NOTE: There is adult and sexual content in this article and may not suitable for children.
By Mike Jones
First off, I am not a dating couch. I am writing this article from a guy’s experience as an adult. I have dated various ladies throughout my life. Each one of them is different. Take notes during the entire dating process. One may see red flags through out their date such as behavior issues, career/job, finance issues, health/welfare, and much more. Some readers may jump to other stages throughout the process while dating.
Dating is not a game, even though some people think it is. Today’s dating process has many stages between both parties involved. Stay calm throughout the entire process. If you date doesn’t work out then move on. Think of it as a learning experience.
If you were in a bad relationship in the past, is it time to date now? This is one question you have to ask yourself. Bringing up the past into a new relationship is going to be hard. Not only for you but your date too. It takes the time to heal before going into the next relationship. Once healed, let the dating begin!
Stage – Love yourself before loving someone else
The section says it all. Why start looking for love when you don’t love yourself first. I made positive changes about yourself before dating. Get a new positive attitude, new fashion sense, and get fit if overweight. You’ll see a difference in yourself. Get out and meet people to improve your communication skills and body language. Give off positive vibe about yourself. People will notice it around you.
Stage– Finding love out in the world
Everyone is searching for love. Places to find love are at college, work, church, family gatherings, friends, blind dates, dating apps, and much more. Can love happen at first sight? This depends on the couple. I have seen this happen before. What are the chances that will it last? There are many factors to consider. Be patient and don’t rush the dating process.
Stage – The first date contact
While one would think this is the most difficult step for everyone. For guys it is extremely tough. A guy goes up to a nice lady that he likes and tries to start a conversation. This is the time to ask if she would like to go on a date. She may say yes or no. This will depend on if she likes you. Rejection may also play it in too. Don’t be a jerk if you get rejected. There are more fish out in the seas. Plus, she may be seeing other people too. Look to see if she has a wedding ring on her left finger (2nd finger from the left). This will tell a story if she is single.
Stage – Research your date’s background
Once you establish a relationship with your date. Then check out their social media counts. The reasons why one should do this to see what type of person they are. Social media may hold many clues such as places they like, photos of friends, sports, activities, and much more. Don’t worry if they don’t have a social media accounts. One maybe able to come up with new fun date ideas from what they know about the person.
Stage – The first date
Where to take your first date? I believe in going meet in public at a local coffee shop. The guy always pays for all food and drinks. Don’t spend a lot of money on the first date. The average cost between $8-$15. This is a time to get to you’re your date. The guy should not make any move such as hugging and kissing to soon. She may give you a hug. That is ok. If the chemistry is right you may get a kiss too. But don’t expect it. Guys should not force a kiss on your date. It will be awkward and she will be turned off and that will end your chances of more dates in the future. I have seen some ladies act very cold towards me. Eventually they slowly warmed up. Take it slow. It is not a race.
Stage – On-going dates
Going on too many dates with the same person may burn you and or your date off. When starting to date the same person starts out with one date a week until it is comfortable for everyone. Adding too many dates can become stressful. Speak up if your date is planning too much. Dates are intended to be fun. Don’t plan to far in advance. Some dates can’t handle it future fun dates. Most dates are planned. However, some can be spontaneous too. Dating couples needs a combination of planned and spontaneous dates to make it fun.
Stage – Communication via text message and or phone calls
This is the time to get to know your date. Something’s may not be revealed until a later time. Someone’s past relationship should not come up for awhile. Keep the relationship going by positive vibes. Talk about fun things and experiences. Be open and express your feelings too. This will go a long way. Don’t over text and or talk. No head games because it will end the relationship within a short amount of time.
Stage – Date vs. Friends
Sometimes you may find your date to be nervous and does not want to make a commitment yet. Don’t rush them. Yes, you may have a good friendship and may happen to go into a serious relationship in the future. Be patient and give them time. The time frame for a serious relationship is between three months and one year. After one year then move on, if she doesn’t want a serious relationship. She maybe a time waster, but you don’t know that. It is not her fault. Don ‘t discount her. She may come after you in the future. Still be friends with her. Plus, she may get jealous about your next girlfriend. That shouldn’t surprise you. Don’t take it personally. It’s life.
Stage – Evaluating your relationship
Both sides need to evaluate their relationship with each other. A relationship is sharing with one another. Be open and talk about the positive and negative effects of your relationship. One should not bring a bunch a drama and problems into your relationship. Keep it simple and comfortable. The goal is to be in a loving relationship with one another. Lack of respect and trust will end a relationship.
Stage – Testing your date
The guy should not always be the leadership in the relationship. Give her time and space. This will give her time to think about you. She may test your responses and actions too.
Stage – Inviting your date over to your place
After a few dates, you might consider being her over to your place. Make sure you place is very clean and organized. Don’t make any moves on her, it maybe too soon. Inviting to your place gives her a sense of who you are. It should look like a show place or a museum.
Stage – Gifts and love notes
All gift(s) should be given from the heart. Surprise your lady with flowers or one red rose occasionally. Don’t overly give too many gifts because it may seem like your trying to buy her. For her birthday, look for a special gift that is on her wish list. She will be very happy. Don’t forget to write a love note from the heart to tell her that you really cherish and adore her. This is a must do task for guys.
Stage – Dating with red flags
This is one of the important stages for everyone in the relationship. This based on behavior habits, body language, lifestyle, poor judgment, insecurities, personal hygiene, and much more. Make a list and track how many red flags you come up with. Another thing to watch out for if a date is always giving and other party is always receiving. If the date is always taking then they are taker. A relationship is about sharing things with one anther and it is not just one sided. Look for dates that have a double life. This is a big red flag is a date playing along with someone else too which may not be loyal or committed to you. Another point is broken promises that your date could not deliver on. They are many reasons why. If you see a pattern then it is a red flag.
Stage – Breaking-up
No one likes this stage. This can happen for many reasons. Usually, one side has been thinking about for a while. Both parties should either communicate over the phone, text, and or in-person. Do not be negative towards the other person. Be kind and tell them it just is not working and you wish them all the best. Then part ways and go on with your life. Stewing about what happen in the relationship will not bring the two of you back. However, there is a chance in the future where you may meet your former date/girlfriend/boyfriend at some event and or at an office function. Everyone needs closure. Be respectful and put the past in the rare. There are other fish out in the sea to meet. Do not cling on to the other person. Plus, block all social media so your former date can’t view it if you have too. Beware seeing the person may trigger negative emotions too. Only time will heal itself. Seek help if you were traumatized from the whole negative dating experience.
Stage – Girlfriend/Boyfriend commitment to each other
You will know when you get to this stage that you have been together for awhile. Usually, the couple will go on 6-10 dates then can gauge if the two of them will match up together. This is when love really starts for the couple. One should not be seeing other people outside the relationship. If caught cheating than it will end the relationship. Don’t mess up a good thing. The commitment will show your date that you will be good marriage material.
Stage – Inviting your date to meet your folks
This stage will happen when everyone is comfortable with one another. Don’t rush it. If she is always talking about you to her folks then it is a good sign. There maybe high expectations when meeting the parents. Be ready about questions about you and your date. What are your future plans?
Stage – Having sex with your date
This will depend on his or her up bringing. Please respect a person’s wishes. Never force sex on a lady. Sex should only be in a committed relationship only. Someone who sleeps around with a bunch of sexual partners may have STDs. This is why one should be tested for before engaging in any sexual relationship. Plus, guys should always wear a condom to protect their partner and them self too. Safety first!
Stage – Engagement/Proposal to Marry
The guy should plan everything. It will be a special moment in a lady’s life. Make it count! Get your family and friends to participate in making this special occasion. The guy needs to purchase an engagement ring and prepare to proposal to her on a special day and place.
Stage – Couple moving into one place together
Some couples will move in just before they get married and some will wait until after they get married. Be respectful during these times. It may be a little stressful. Decide whose place one of you is going to move into.
Finally, I hope these stages help you get through the dating process. Anything can happen when dating. Make it a positive experience. Another thing is one needs to grow as a person and be open for anything in life.
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